When one decides it is time to buy a home for the first time, there are many, many useful websites to help guide you though the process. But you will very quickly learn that the websites have left out some important bits of information. The most important bit -- unless you have a LOT of money, the process is not as easy as the websites make it sound. Almost equally important is the vocabulary. See, when it comes to real estate, all that glitters cannot be escrowed. So, in order to help future home buyers avoid surprises, I have compiled this useful list of terms.
Adorable bungalow: No closets. Anywhere.
Beautiful lot: Enjoy the yard, because you are going to cry when you see the inside.
Cozy: Roughly the size of a dollhouse.
Charming: None of the three windows open.
Enthusiastic seller: Owner needs to move before his bookie tracks him down.
Enjoyable country living: A total of 10 square feet in the middle of nowhere.
Fabulous investment opportunity: You better have some extra cash and a spare house because you'll need to make this place livable before you can move in.
Fixer-upper: You don't really NEED floors, right?
Great starter home: Good luck fitting furniture in.
Hot area!: Your neighbor will be a crack dealer.
Lots of character!: Unidentifiable smell will never go away.
Motivated seller: Owners entering the witness protection program.
Near Public Transportation: Behind the railroad tracks. On the wrong side.
Needs a little TLC: Ugliest paint and/or wallpaper in the history of the universe.
On golf course!: Windows will need to be replaced.
Original hardwood floors: Oldest, creakiest floors you've ever seen, will never come clean.
Priced to sell: Owners want to get out before the rats actually take over.
Secluded Hide-Away: No utilities.
Waterfront view: Mold may eat your pets.
Young, vibrant neighborhood: College students partying all night next door.
And the most important one of them all.....
Sold as is: Run. NOW.