Happy.

It's odd. Tonight I had a house full of people. I can remember a time in my life when that idea would have filled me with an unholy terror, and the reality was unthinkable. I remember a time when I would have been crazed thinking about how they must be judging my house, and my things, and me. I remember a time when I would never have worn the tank top and cargo pants I wore tonight, and when I would have had a fit over the fact that I did not have time to do my hair, or that I did not have makeup on to my satisfaction. I remember a time when not getting the frosting made for my cake would have been sufficient to send me into a dark depression that would have lasted for days and ruined the party I had been so excited about, and then I would have spent weeks in self-flagellation over not throwing the perfect party AND being so upset about it. Flagellation for flagellating.

None of those things happened.

The party wasn't perfect. My hair wasn't done, and when the first guest showed up it wasn't even dry. Several major items on the "to do before the party" list didn't get done. There was no frosting on the cake.

But there was no stress. I had fun. I wasn't awkward or uncomfortable. There is no dark depression, and the self-flagellation seems to be on permanent hold.

I think I am happy.

Amazing.

No depth whatsoever.

I am turning 31 tomorrow - right now I should be writing a post reflecting on the past year, what i have learned, etc, etc, etc. I will, I promise. But not now.

tomorrow night everyone I know is coming over for a birthday party, and at the moment my house is a mess, the grass needs to be mowed, and I haven't made the cake yet. Yet here I sit, watching the finale of So You Think You Can Dance, and not stressing out about it. As long as the drinks get cold, everything else will fall into place, right?

I'm not the only nerd in the family.

That's my nephew. Dressed as Harry Potter for an event celebrating the release of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. And the chick holding him---that's my sister, the one who drew the scar and tied the glasses on. Clearly the nerdiness is a familial trait. The kid has no chance. Good thing he's cute.

Can't stop the beat!

I'm a nerd. Such a nerd, in fact, that I have ordered a vanity license plate that says NERD GRL and I will drive it around with pride. I'm a science teacher who does theatre and records Star Trek: The Next Generation every day. I'm the nerd other nerds are ashamed of.

Nothing brings out the nerd in me quite like a good show tune.

Yesterday my friend Kelly and I went out to lunch and to see Hairspray. I've always been a fan of the original movie, so I was a little hesitant about the new one. There was no need for my hesitation -- the movie was incredible. I was enthralled the whole time, the music was amazing, and as soon as I came home I bought the soundtrack from iTunes. There are at least three songs I will begin learning immediately, on the off chance I have some opportunity to perform them someday. It makes me sad that I will never get to play Motormouth Maybelle, since she has one of the best songs in musical history. In my humble opinion, of course.

The best part of the day, though, wasn't the movie -- it was the company. Kelly and I hardly get to see each other, thanks to my insane schedule, so it was awesome to have several uninterrupted hours together. I may be a nerd, but I am very thankful for my friends who are infinitely cooler than me.

We like the night life...

I have a wonderful group of teachers that I meet with once a week. We go to Buffalo Wild Wings, eat boneless wings, and decompress. This week, everyone had other stuff they had to do, plus I had a small home issue involving a plumber, so we didn't get to go. Sad, but not too sad. Why?

This weekend I am having my first party in the new crib.

I still have a ton of stuff in boxes, and my house is a mess, but since most of them helped me move in the first place, I am pretty sure they can handle it. We have Monday off, so Sunday night everyone is coming over to hang out on my patio. I am so excited my head might just pop off.

I think? Who knew?

So, apparently I am one of those people who only blogs once a week. I would like to say that now since school is winding down, I have more time, blah blah blah I’ll blog more, but really – probably not.

In the spirit of playing catch-up, a few weeks ago (ok, like, a month ago), Candace tagged me with a Thinking Blogger Award. Cynical me knows she should be all cool and nonchalant, but non-cynical me is going Ooooh! Ooooh! Ooooh! and jumping up and down at the thought of such a gesture. Non- cynical me is a big dork.

Per the rules, I shall now tag five blogs that make me think. Most of these people probably don’t know I am alive, but I’ll tag away anyway…

1. Blessed Among Men: Suzanne is an amazing writer, and I have been blessed (no pun intended) to have the opportunity to spend 2 Thanksgivings with her and her family, since she is married to my best friend’s brother. Even though we come from very different religious traditions, I admire her faith and devotion, and reading her thoughts often helps me put my own life into perspective. I struggle so much with belief, it is wonderful to see an intellectual who is so solid in hers.

2. One More Last Word: Another real-life friend, another amazing writer. Heather was a mentor of sorts when I first started doing theatre, and is another intellectual whose faith I envy. She is always so open with her thoughts, and is always a delight to be around. I miss her tremendously since she has moved to the great white north.

3. Junk Food Science: Everyone should read this blog. Sandy Szwarc does a fantastic job of debunking much of the pseudo-science about food and health we are fed by the media every day, and teaches people how to be critical of what they read and hear. She also reports on many stories and studies that never make it to the mainstream media because they do not fit the current political atmosphere, or they contradict what the media wants us to think. She is an excellent resource for anyone who wants to know the truth about food, fat, and health, instead of all the propaganda.

4. My True Self: This blog is the story of a woman’s journey of healing after suffering abuse. She explores so many ideas about the history and role of women in the church and feminism, and there have been many, many times when I have read something and realized that it was exactly what I have been thinking and unable to say. Her Women In Christianity video is one of the more thought- provoking things I have seen in ages. I appreciate the way she refuses to reject Christianity outright, like many feminists and abuse victims do, and instead is trying to work to change things from within.

5. The Rotund: I wrestled with what should be number 5 on my list – there are so many brilliant blogs out there that make me think. But yesterday I read an entry on The Rotund called Palatable Fat, and it genuinely made me think, so I had to include it in my list. The Rotund describes itself as “A Body Acceptance and Politics blog”, and since I am on a bit of a body acceptance crusade of late (more on that later), I find the writing on this blog fascinating. My favorite quote from yesterday’s piece:

Part of my political statement, part of the statement my body makes every time it is viewed, is that I am palatable no matter what. I don’t have to present it in a special way to make it okay. There are no special conditions under which it must be viewed for it to be okay. There are no preparations I must make in order to be worthy of being seen and treated like an actual human being.

There they are – my top five thinking blogs. I realized while writing this list that my tastes are pretty eclectic, and when you look at my list of links that becomes even more apparent – I probably could have made a much longer list, and if I added the blogs that make me laugh, it would be even longer. How did people survive before the internet?